COUNSELOR is in Are you
COUNSELOR is in Are you a people pleaser or a God pleaser? “Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens.” – Carl Jung It seems for many of us there is no end to weddings, engagements, henna parties and other joyous events. However, some of the people I’ve been talking with lately seem less than joyous about going to these parties. Many of us complain because they have become more of an obligation than a celebration. I notice this is causing a great deal of mental, physical and financial strain on families. We feel helpless to change it or do something different. Part of the reason we find ourselves in this uncomfortable, uneasy place is that, perhaps to some extent, we have become a community of people living according to “the people and for the people.” People 15 % off your entire bill Excludes alcohol. One offer per table. Dine in only. Not valid with other discounts. Lathrup Village location only. Expires 9/30/11. Iklas J. Bashi, LPC, NCC special to the chaldean news pleasing and imitating what others are doing has become like a law that too many follow — an unwritten and unconscious Chaldean Constitution. Why do so many of us live according to the wishes and expectations of others versus living a life of interior freedom that comes only from living according to the will of God? The most precious moments in our lives are meant to be shared by the most precious people in our lives – those with whom we have close ties and relationships, regardless if they are related or not. We all long for an authentic life filled with faith, family and friends. We crave greater purpose and meaning. We want to feel safe to be ourselves but the truth is that we do not feel safe to express our own unique individuality. This is evident Old world Italian Trattoria that offers carryout, catering and in house dining in a bistro setting. Full liquor license and Family Friendly. 27411 Southfield Road, Lathrup Village, MI 48076 (248) 327-7000 Monday – Thursday: 11am-10pm; Friday-Saturday: 11am-11pm; Sunday 12pm-9pm Let us rediscover the true meaning of being rich – simplifying and letting go of the material. by the choices we continually make. People-pleasing puts us in a state of bondage and unhappiness. On the contrary, living a life in the spirit of authenticity, congruency and connection affords us the interior freedom we all need and want. Instead of imitating one another, we must allow God to give us the courage to be real, to be free, to be ourselves – each one created with dignity and value in His likeness and image. How much happier we would be if we truly believed this truth and began to live it. These patterns of behavior can be changed in our community. It takes you and me to affirm and validate one another to be the unique individuals God calls all of us to be. We cannot obtain our sense of worth from others. We are called to love and serve one another in the spirit of love. It is not love, though, when our behaviors are driven by the acceptance and approval of others. God says we have worth because we belong to Him – it is our birthright. Our worth shouldn’t be derived from what we can do for another. God wishes interior freedom for everyone. This freedom is the complete opposite of the manipulation and control that we unconsciously give to others by behaving the way they expect. We are called to partake in the events of our lives according to God’s will, not the will of others. Romans 12:2 states, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the entire renewal of your mind.” The world includes our family, friends, neighbors and co-workers – all that can be seen and felt by our senses. We are continually challenged to conform to the image of the world and what it dictates to be true, right and good for us. When we plan our parties based on the choices of others, whether it be the venue, flowers, entertainment, favors, etc., we rob ourselves of the opportunity to express our own unique individual tastes and preferences. How refreshing it is to attend a gathering that you know was planned with meaning, purpose and originality, not just someone imitating what someone else did before. But this takes courage. Courage to be yourself. Courage to share your life with others beyond just the surface. Let us rediscover the true meaning of being rich – simplifying and letting go of the material and embracing that which continually challenges us to grow in the wisdom and knowledge of God. When we plan for the important events and milestones of our lives, let us remember to invite those who will be happy and celebrate with us. Let us not fill our party with bodies taking up space, really wishing they were somewhere else. In doing so, let us also remember that real and holy people will not pass judgment on the choices we make – especially when those choices conform to the will of God. Iklas J. Bashi, LPC, NCC, is a writer, life coach and speaker. She offers group workshops, seminars and presentations on a wide variety of topics that combine her training and experience in psychology as well as Catholic spirituality. Email questions and comments to ahigherwayllc@gmail.com. 46 CHALDEAN NEWS SEPTEMBER 2011
I don’t have a problem. I can stop at any time. I’m having some bad luck now, but things will change. If I can just borrow 20 bucks I’ll be fine. I can pay it back next week. How am I going to make my car payment? What do you mean I’m going to lose my house? How do I break this to my family? I need help. Now that you’ve recognized you may have a gambling problem, the next step is to call the Michigan Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-270-7117 to speak with a counselor. It’s free and confidential. Isn’t it time you started beating a gambling problem? Client: MDCH Job #: 016550 Project: resizes Account Team: ED/AT Creative Team: AF Briefing: Medium: Newspaper Size: 9x12 Color: BW SEPTEMBER 2011 CHALDEAN NEWS 47
