HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Our Annual Wedding Guide HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Laura Hermiz and Jimmy Roumayah, June 30, 2011. past the party Marriage classes seek to strengthen sacrament By Crystal Kassab Jabiro Too often, many engaged couples busy themselves with party preparations — the venue, the flowers, the cake, the band – and wait to take their marriage classes until the big day is just weeks away. They believe they will just fall into wedded bliss and be okay but realize soon enough there is more than meets the eye. “Marriage is work,” said Janan Senawi, a psychotherapist who volunteers to teach marriage classes at local Chaldean churches. Marriage, one of the seven sacraments, goes past the party. Senawi claims it is the most complex relationship a couple will ever have and that the expectations are much greater than they seem. She also contends that when marriages fail in the early years it is because the decision to marry the partner was wrong from the beginning. The classes, which are mandated by the Catholic Church, give engaged couples a deeper understanding of this commitment. The Church teaches marriage as a sacrificial love based on Jesus Christ — that one gives up his or her life for the other. For the past 10 years, Senawi has told couples that in order to keep a happy marriage, they must master the art of communication, a key component. “Couples need to realize that their lives are no longer about themselves, but about their spouses,” she said. “Love in a marriage is a decision for a lifetime, not merely a feeling.” That is why Kristen Sagmani and Arvin Ayar have been attending couple’s programs since before their official engagement a few months ago. They say their faith has drawn them closer to one another and are ready for their wedding this August. “God should be at the center of your relationship,” said Sagmani, who is the president of Chaldean Outreach and Community Hope (COACH). “This is a sacrament we are preparing for, not just a party. God is going to help keep us together, and together we will grow with God.” The couple, who pray together every day, highly recommends two local retreats: the Couples Prayer Series, a six-class marriage and spirituality program; and Beyond Honey I’m Home, a three-class series led by former Capuchin priestturned-marriage counselor, Fred Cavaiani, who has been married for 40 years. “Our classes at the church are good, but they are not enough. Seek out other marriage preparation programs in addition to what our church requires,” Sagmani encouraged. She has found the most important qualities she respects in her fiancé, and she is glad she did not just photo by aava studio settle for the sake of getting married. “In our community there’s a lot of pressure to get married at a young age,” said Sagmani, 30. “There is also judgment. But when you know the value of the sacrament of marriage, you will know when it is right.” Senawi, who has a master’s in social work, notices that more couples are waiting longer to get married, especially until they are financially comfortable. By delaying marriage, men and women hopefully mature with age and thus are more ready for the sacred vows. She encourages engaged couples to start taking marriage classes early in order to get a feel for the future, as did Sagmani and Ayar. “Engagement is the beginning phase of marriage,” Senawi said. “People do a lot of pleasing rather than revealing their true selves. They need to put the relationship to work early on.” After all, it is easier for a couple to end their engagement than to call it quits after the holy sacrament has been made. The marriage counselor compares a breakup to a miscarriage. When an unborn baby dies in the mother’s womb, it was not meant to be, she said. “Something was wrong. So rejoice in the fact that the impending marriage was not whole.” Under the guidance of Bishop Ibrahim Ibrahim, Senawi has advised many couples and families at the Chaldean Diocese. The Church that is responsible for baptizing, granting first Communion, marrying, and burying wants to ensure that a program is in place to strengthen families and keep them together. Counseling services are provided free of charge. “Our people can be so proud, but we can humble ourselves and seek help,” said Sagmani. “It’s not our will, it’s God’s will.” Marriage classes should be a priority, she contends, especially at a time when many couples are consumed with the materialism of the wedding and disillusioned about the future. “Forever,” Sagmani noted, “is a long time.” To schedule a Chaldean Family Counseling appointment, call the Chaldean Diocese at (248) 351- 0440. For more information on the two aforementioned retreats, visit CouplePrayer.org and CapRetreat.org. 28 CHALDEAN NEWS MARCH 2012
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the wedding singers Music men hit the right notes By Weam Namou It’s your wedding day and the banquet hall is beautifully decorated with flowers, the cake has turned out just as you imagined, and the food, from past experience, is expected to be delicious. The guests are surprisingly on time. There are no signs of family quarrels and everyone is ready to let loose and have fun. Now, how are you going to ensure that you and your guests will have a fun-filled reception on the dance floor? “It’s all about the bride and groom and their bridal party,” says Munther Fahmi, the lead singer of Summer Band. “If they are dancing and having fun, everyone would have fun, and the band becomes in a good mood. If they’re laid back and just talking to their friends, then that slows the party down.” Majid Kakka, however, believes that every detail of the wedding helps make it a fun experience. While he said most people come into a wedding happy and ready to enjoy themselves, in rare occasions a dispute or recent death may put a damper on things. Sometimes it’s smaller matters — a bad menu, the dinner being served very late, the flowers dying as a result of severely cold weather. Whatever the circumstances, Kakka, who has been singing at weddings for more than 30 years, said the most important factor for a singer is to understand and remember the main idea of a wedding. “Two people are getting married,” he said. “There’s nothing sad or difficult about that. It’s all about fun and happiness.” At every wedding in which he performs, Kakka considers it his brother’s wedding and himself as the best man. “This is how I give it my all,” he said, adding that it helps him reach out to the wedding party’s family members, like the mother or the grandmother who might be in a wheelchair. Basma Goro booked Kakka for her June 7 wedding because she heard that having his band present Majid Kakka leads the popular Bells Band. photo by IVAN GEORGE/FUTUREWAVE IMAGES The Summer Band’s Munther Fahmi. translated to guests that “this is a fancy wedding.” “He sings a mixture of Arabic and Chaldean and makes the reception so lively that people don’t stop dancing,” said Goro. “And having the large band that he does, the music is of higher quality. So that when you play your wedding video, the sound is as loud and clear as when it was live.” Wisam Namou, whose wedding was on November 18, 2010, feels it is the wedding band’s responsibility to “rock the party.” “If the band messes up a lot, then they break the guests’ mood for dancing,” he said. While he liked the performance of the band at his wedding, having chosen them because they sang a lot of Chaldean songs and because he’d seen them perform at other parties, he felt they could have done a bit better. “My wife and I had sat with the band prior to the wedding and told them the songs we wanted them to sing,” said Namou, “but for some reason, they only performed 70 percent of what we requested.” Kakka and Fahmi sing a combination of Arabic and Chaldean songs, and their DJs play American songs. But over the years, Fahmi has observed that people want more American songs. “Whether people want mostly Arabic or mostly American, we still add Chaldean in every party – no matter what,” he said. “It’s our language and we want to keep it alive, even if people don’t request it.” Summer Yatooma’s wedding is March 25. He booked Fahmi because of his popularity, his “hot” performances at other weddings, and his Ashley Maza and Christopher Hindo dance up at storm at Shenandoah on August 13, 2010. strong Iraqi dialect. “I want to have a lot of modern, but native-Iraqi, songs at my wedding” said Yatooma. Kakka said he hasn’t really noticed a big change in music preferences over the years, and that people go for whatever is newly released and popular. “Arabic songs are becoming more international,” he said. “Whether it’s the newcomers or those who have been here 50 years, when a good song comes out, they want it.” Kakka began his career singing at parties in Baghdad, where ironically, only 20 percent of the music was Iraqi or Arabic and 80 percent was Western. “Here in the United States, it’s the opposite,” he said. “It’s 80 percent Arabic and Chaldean and 20 percent – the DJ part – American.” The singers have enjoyed giving performances at weddings, some nationwide, others abroad, but Fahmi — who this spring is opening a school for Chaldean kids to learn about Chaldean and Arabic music — said, “There’s nothing like Detroit! Here, we’re many different villages gathered together.” Sometimes a musician’s duties go beyond a simple performance. Fahmi said he’ll never forget performing at a wedding at Shenandoah when at the end of the night, the bride and groom were left all alone with no cars or guests in sight. “The groom asked if I lived in the area and I said yes. He said, ‘I don’t know what happened. Everyone is gone. Can you take me home?’” MARCH 2012 CHALDEAN NEWS 29
