from the EDITOR Throwing
from the EDITOR Throwing stones at those who mourn Are we called to mourn as we are expected to pray — in silence, in solitude and by surrendering? Months ago, I attended a women’s spiritual retreat lead by Fr. Alex Kratz. He talked about the three S’s of prayer as we discussed Matthew and the Beatitudes. I realized that we often mourn in the way we are called as Christians to pray. I don’t understand why this isn’t understood, practiced or respected in our own community — as Chaldean Catholics. I know gossip is everywhere and I have been a participant and a target. Nothing bothered me more, however, than when my sisters and I were accused of not loving our father — enough — because of how we mourned at his death. I guess because I didn’t pull my hair out, pound the casket or faint, I didn’t love him. No, I felt obligated to be the host, be strong, and be welcoming and grateful for those who came to show their respect to us. For days, I cried alone in my room, in my car or while out for a walk. I mourned his death in silence, in solitude and by surrendering my pain to God. After the wake, the funeral and a week of people in our home until 2 in the morning, I woke up one morning and it was quiet, other than my mom Vanessa denha-garmo editor in chief co-publisher and a few relatives at the kitchen table having coffee. I saw my father’s La- Z-Boy recliner and I fell on top of it with head face down and sobbed uncontrollably. I could not believe that I would never see him sit in that chair again reading the paper, drinking his chai and talking about life. At that moment — it hit me — he was gone. That was my moment of breakdown and one of very few moments I “publicly” cried for my dad. A relative who happened to be one of the few over at that early morning hour said to me, “Wow, I can’t believe you are crying. I didn’t think you were upset about his death.” She is like many others who make ridiculous comments about how people mourn. What? Are you for real? Do you have any idea how my life will change now that he is gone? She didn’t have a clue. After talking to some friends and some acquaintances, I realized I am not alone. Many people in our community have been criticized for how they mourn the death of a loved one. It is appalling. Only God himself knows what lies in the heart of a human being. I find those theatrical expressions at a funeral offensive, not the quiet mourners who try so hard to keep a smile on their face. Recently, I heard of a group of Chaldean women criticizing a mother who recently lost her son. They said because she is not wearing black or because she is wearing makeup, she must not have been affected by his death. Because she chooses to mourn in silence, in solitude and by surrendering to God, she is viewed by some as a woman who isn’t mourning the loss of her son. I happen to know the woman and I know that she and her husband are in pain. Just because they don’t show it to the world does not mean they are not dying inside. It is not our place to judge others. Each of us handles pain, sorrow and sadness in our ways but as Christians, we are called to pray to God for our pain in silence, in solitude and by surrendering to Him. It is how we are called to pray. If those women were truly faithfilled, they would not even think of uttering one critical word. Didn’t Jesus tell us, “Don’t criticize, and then you won’t be criticized? For others will treat you as you treat them. In addition, “Why worry about the speck in the eye of a brother [or sister in this case] when you have a board in your own eye?” (Matthew 7). In fact, when we pray or mourn for that matter, Jesus has called us to do this privately. “When you pray, go away by yourself, all alone and shut the door behind you and pray to your Father secretly and your Father, who knows your secrets, will reward you” (Matthew 6:7.8). God knows what is in our hearts. We need not carry the pain on our sleeves. It is silence, in solitude and by After the wake, the funeral and a week of people in our home until two in the morning, I woke up one morning and it was quiet, other than my mom and a few relatives at the kitchen table having coffee. surrendering — we find God speaking to us — and it is then we find solace in the Lord. I realize that every culture has its own way of mourning. I am not saying do away with tradition but I am saying, it is not our place to judge others. As Catholics, know your faith because nowhere in the Bible does it say we were put on earth to cast judgment on others. Remember before you are compelled to make comments about others and how they grieve the death of a loved one, the person mourning the next morning just may be you. ARE YOU PAYING MORE THAN 2.99% for your current Auto Loan? NEW and USED Cars also as LOW as 2.99% (APR) OFFER EXPIRES 04/01/2012 Clawson Community Credit Union 625 N. Main Street • Clawson • (248) 435-0950 www.clawsoncreditunion.com 24 CHALDEAN NEWS MARCH 2012
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