GUEST columns Setting fire to the rain Setting fire to the rain is such a powerful image but the meaning seems elusive. Two natural processes that run counter to each other’s existence. Clearly Adele’s song is about a struggling relationship, maybe a broken one. But I’m wondering if it isn’t also about a hopeless love or maybe even foolish love? It got me thinking about a conversation happening around town about the epidemic of called-off wedding engagements and failed marriages less than two years old. In checking with Church sources and banquet hall contacts, this is happening more than ever before. The question is why. One answer could be that couples are forcing an engagement before they are truly ready. While Chaldean Michael G. Sarafa co-publisher women who attend college and start careers might be marrying later in life, others (both young men and women) seem to want to rush into it. More often than not the weddings that never happen involve two very young people often in their early 20s. Many times the resources of the boy and his family do not match the girl’s idea of her dream wedding. The relationship becomes fractured through the wedding planning process itself — the ring, the shower gift, the flowers. The couple gets set back before they even start. The pressure of wedding debt is added on top of the stress of a new and growing relationship. In earlier, simpler times, it might have been okay to marry without some financial stability. In a perfect world, it would be still. Unfortunately, young people today seem in a huge rush to match or exceed their parents’ lifestyle — to have it all and to have it soon. They want the dream house in their 30s rather than their 50s. Most of our parents’ generation toughed it out a little when they were first married. They might have rented a home or lived in the Of foremost importance is the love between two people. city or an older suburb. The wedding ceremonies were simpler, the parties — and the rings — were smaller. The idea of “keeping up” was not a measure of comparative wealth but of dignity, self-respect and taking care of one’s family. Another possibility for rushed marriages may have to do with the conflict between sexual desires and the belief that premarital sex is wrong. This is a difficult issue for young people as they attempt to make life decisions in a moral construct. Nonetheless, marriage is life altering. Eventually it may involve children. Of foremost importance is the love between two people. Love, of course, is a passion of the heart — like trying to set fire to the rain. But, just as with any big decision, the desire to marry should be tempered by patience, maturity, some financial wherewithal and mainly a sense of mutual expectations between the couple. Michael Sarafa is the president of the Bank of Michigan and a co-publisher of the Chaldean News. 12 CHALDEAN NEWS MARCH2012
A fairy tale wedding or a lifelong marriage? Modern weddings have become far too much about a belief that the wedding day must be perfect. As a result, some couples don’t give a whole lot of thought to the marriage. Our concentration has turned more to being a princess for a day rather than a day to celebrate the union of two people coming together as one to raise a family. One of the largest causes of wedding stress is trying to keep up with social and peer pressure. Social pressure or peer pressure appeals to one’s desire to fit in with others, to experience acceptance and approval. There is nothing inherently wrong with this as human beings are social creatures and are made to connect with other human beings. However, when the desire for social belonging Stephanie Abbo special to the chaldean news is paired with pressure to overspend more than you can afford, it can make for a tough situation between couples. Social pressure or peer pressure causes us to overspend on unnecessary wedding lavishness. Couples may feel pressured to have the “perfect wedding” because they think everyone else expects it. Deciding to go with a simpler wedding often comes with disapproving glances and comments from people whose approval and opinions matter. But to what extent are couples digging themselves into debt for their wedding to satisfy their families and everyone else? With the focus now more on the wedding as opposed to the actual marriage, the true intention of uniting a couple to create a family has been lost. The holy sacrament of marriage should be the celebration of the couple and their union. Many brides, nowadays, have completely taken over wedding planning (in which most grooms will happily not take part) and enjoy the attention they get as brides, especially if it’s lacking in other areas of their lives. The amount of debt a couple racks up with these weddings could possibly be the reason for so many failed marriages. So does a big wedding lead to a big divorce? Maybe not, but it is worth thinking about as you make plans for your nuptials. After all, the wedding is one day; the marriage is forever. In America, large, expensive weddings were not the norm. At the turn of the 20th century, couples tended to marry in their homes. In the 1930s, jewelry manufacturers like DeBeers coined the slogan, “a diamond is forever.” Obviously it worked. As a community we need to start living for ourselves instead of living to impress other people, who will not be footing the bill for that extravagant wedding party. There should be more concern regarding the financial debt you are creating for yourself and your new family. It’s easy to get caught up in planning an extravagant wedding because quite frankly, who doesn’t want to experience the finer things in life? The problem is that there is nothing extravagant about having outstanding credit card debt. Divorce statistics are at an all-time high, but the bridal industry is booming. Stephanie Abbo is responsible for employment law and human resources at a consulting company. She is focused on spending most of her free time serving Jesus Christ. MARCH2012 CHALDEAN NEWS 13
